Random Thoughts; Intimations of Immorality etc etc

In commemoration of my 23rd year of life, I've decided that I should state 30 random facts about me. I'm pretty fucking awesome, and I figured that the three of you that regularly read this page would like to know more about me. In this list, you'll see manifestations of previously stated beliefs, and you'll get a preview of what is to come.
Do, Enjoy!

1. I've been personally victimized by Regina George
2. I'm confused because in JA I'm a morbidly obese cow  fat, but in the U.S. I'm just thick
3. I hate the idea of 2 fat people together, I hate the idea of ppl calling it cute [see post entitled Fats on Fats, on Fats]
4. Only bums like me.. Not only, but 90% of the time the ppl that try to talk to me are bums. I have a theory however, about the class of man that gravitates towards fat bitches our people. Look out for it.
5. The other 10% I jist don't want.
6. I absolutely abhor the idea of being heavily pursued by men. It makes them vulnerable and easy, qualities I just cannot stomach. Am I backward for this?
7.I can't stand PDA, expressions of affection, and all dat bullshit. Ugh! Its uncomfortably ackward!
8. I talk to myself, like, hardcore!! Like all the time!! Sometimes I think my roommate even hears me, but I can't be bothered with hiding it anymore
8 Deep down inside I try to be a quiet sombre person but you bastards keep askin me what's wrong so to avoid questions I pretend to be this nice and happy go lucky. I've decided that it comes with being fat, and cannot be avoided
10. I only associate myself with attractive people. Shallow? I don't give a shit. You are the company that you keep.
11. In this, the 2000 and 11th year of our Lord, I have everything that I want and need, and I have acquired it all on my own. [I pretty much hit jackpot when I copped the iPad #lowkey. If you have one of those things, I swear you don't even need a house!]
12. I'm the biggest oxymoron you'll meet. [But doesn't everyone say that? *Regina George voice*]
13.I don't see anything wrong with infidelity [don't kill me, I just feel that the definition needs to be altered]
14. I know I'm going to be rich, just not quite sure how, and I honestly don't care that much for being rich. Once my lifestyle is within my means, then I'm good. It just so happens that my lifestyle is extravagant...
15. I wonder what God thinks about me, my thoughts, likes and dislikes... And urges
16. I'm really slow sometimes... But I don't mind for ignorance is bliss.
17. I wish I was born in 1980 sometimes...
18. I really value discipline, especially in children; manners maketh a man
19 I honestly think I'm the closest thing to perfect sometimes. I have insignificant flaws
20. I believe that the world revolves around me, and that everyone elses life tends to fall in place around the chosen path for mine.
21. Paul Russel has been my biggest inspiration [No, you won't find him on Google]
22. I have never, don't now, and will probly never do relationships. But I thought I was in one once, but there was a rather embarrassing misunderstanding. The woes of a fat bitch, huh? Alas, I was young
23. I thought I was in love with that guy.
24. I dish it way better than I can take it... except in the cases of food... I prefer to take the dishes of food
25. I only recently developed the talent to think independently.
26.  I'm really impatient. Have a violent temper, and love that I'm Jamaican so ppl up here don't mess with me out of fear of being violently thrashed..
27. My fatness is a blessing and a curse, for had I been skinny I would have been promiscuous beyond thought! I would have also suffered from BBS- Basic Bitch Syndrome
28 I prefer dogs to humans, any day!!!!
29. I don't know how to put my feet in boots, unless they're zip ups. It takes 30 minutes, per foot of Ugg.
30. My name was suppose to be "Gwendolyn." ... the one I ended up with is way worse -__-. Thanks Mother


And this, boys and girl, is how I came to be.  No, I didn't turn 30, I'm a young, supple-breasted 23 year old young woman and I truly look forward for what is to come!


Cheers! 
*cue, Birthday Cake x Rihanna*

Disorderly Conduct; An account of an absolutely traumatizing experience.

I had to lament to my readers [all 3 of you] the troubled heart with which I witnessed a bigger woman conduct herself last Friday evening.

After a long day of toil and sweat, my colleagues and I decided it would behoove us to go out to ease our minds of all the stresses that accompany being a Prospective Graduate. Applying to these jobs is truly no joke. Though far later than usual, we huddled together and ventured to our regular spot.
Packed almost to capacity, our lounge was filled with young professionals in suits, awkwardly attempting to look modelesque, yet unsuccessfully avoiding invading another person's personal space.

We weaseled our way through the crowded bar and finally found a spot for our party of 8 [6 bitches and two dudes deep]. We fist-pumped, head-bobbed, and threw up our gang signs with relative comfort, and were just starting to settle in when we saw disaster plummeting its way toward us.

A size 24 bitch with the biggest breasts I'd ever seen came a stumbling upon our cozy group, clad in a white, knit crop-top, bright red scarf and ....... a FLOOR LENGTH FADED JEAN JACKET! -__-

Ladies and gentlemen, words cannot describe my dismay, disappointment, and the VOID which swiftly penetrated my soul after seeing this disaster come across our presence. I am sincere when I say it deeply saddens me to inform you that the worst is yet to be told.

After stomping her way to the midst of our group, the large woman, in ALLLLLLL her pomp and circumstance remained planted in our personal, emotional AND mental space! I dared not throw any glances of suspicion her way, lest her equally huge and imposing wing-bitch come to her defense. And so there we stood, hopeless to the wild gyrating, the obnoxious booty-popping and the thrusts of that humungous chest in our faces.

I stood affixed, and my mouth agape at how loud this woman was. She epitomized every negative stereotype EVER conceived of Plus sized women, and I was utterly distraught at how she managed to, in a matter of seconds, obliterate everything plus sized women of empowerment like you and me have ever worked for; our image, our decorum, our style; everything! Above all else, she proudly donned this FLOOR LENGTH FADED JEAN JACKET! I was mind boggled! How could she do this to us?

Unbelievably enough, this still was not the worst! In a swift motion, the lady in question proceeded to grab one of the males in our party from behind and grope his ass! O_O To the other guy we were with, she crept up behind him and assaulted his back with her Double G breasts, while screaming "I know you want a piece!" in his ear! The maniacal look in her eyes and the grin across her heavily creased face gave me reason to believe that shit had indeed gotten very real.
With all of our might, the 6 of us girls rescued our friends from her gyrating, crop-top clad breasts and made a speedy exit. Alas, she had the last say, as she did not allow us to depart  before ambushing the smaller of the guys, and thrust him at least 4 feet forward with those colossal instruments of terror.

Ladies, this woman's conduct was an eye opener. As a child I was constantly told that I was loud. After Friday evening, not a peep shall be heard from me, henceforth. For reasons unknown, larger women tend to be loud. This makes no sense when you think about it, because unlike loud small people, we are easily seen and get attention! So then, what's the point? Perhaps it's time to reform our tones.

No matter what it takes, it is imperative that we perform better.


Best, EFB


P.S.- Crop tops are dangerous items of clothing, and must be carefully executed. If one has surpassed a cup size D, then one must forgo this trend, I beg of you. What this woman did is a disservice to mankind, and to the crop top alike, and I for one can and will not stand for this abuse.

Allowance

There are certain laws and mores of society that must be upheld. Tonight I'll do my very best to establish them, lest an unsuspecting fat bitch violates these very delicate social clauses and puts herself at risk of being completely ostracized by our society. [Woah Lawd am shaaakin! >_<]

1. Never approach a man/ be too bold.

Here's the deal, we're already considered loud and course-voiced. It's genetically set-up that we have bubbly personalities so that people can see beneath our many layers of dermis, and love us for who we are. 

Though many men have a penchant for aggressive women, they become extremely intimidated when the woman is both large AND extremely aggressive. A more genteel approach may be to your advantage. It's like this; wouldn't you prefer an aggressive Pomeranian [because you know for sure that you can contain it], over the challenge of an angst-ridden German Shepherd? Yeh, I thought so. 

Because our kind hasn't been fully accepted in society, people, men mostly, still fear the reaction of their peers, should they decide to date a Fat. It's always, therefore, to their chagrin when a big bitch has a crush on them. But fear not, for the integration and acceptance has begun, and soon our woes will be a thing of the past [I hope to God].

2. Never eat in public

Eating my Potbelly sandwich today was sheer torture.... because I'm fat. Sometimes when I eat in public, I feel like the colored person in a 1960s Mississippi Diner in the "Whites Only" section. 

But why is it this way? Skinny bitches eat like depraved wilder beasts all the time and no one has anything to say! In fact, people tend to think it amusing, adorable even, for a skinny hoe to absorb a meal with the largest of men! But if WE decide to indulge in anything but a salad, the disdainful stares come from every person within a 20 mile radius; the heads begin to shake, cheekbones tighten, the lips begin to purse, and eyes begin to pierce.

It's not fair, but I have to admit, it makes perfect sense. All fat people can just live off of the fat that the Good Lord gave them, DUH! 

3. Always, ALWAYS check surfaces for sturdiness before attempting to take a seat. It is also never wise to "plop" oneself on to said seat. Gently ease one's body, until comfortable that surface can support one's weight

Nah, but this one is real though. I've personally had several incidents [costing thousands of dollars] that have left me rolling around on a floor, moaning and squealing in pain. Let us not forget our dear sister Scarlett. In posting that video to youtube she ensured that the rest of our community was reminded of the dangers of overestimating our surfaces, and underestimating our weight.

For those of you that aren't fluent in sarcasm, the above was laced with it. 

As Fats, there is absolutely no reason that we should be bound to the constraints of societal stereotypes. If I want an extra large Frozen Yogurt [yes bitches, we still aspire to good health -_-], then by God! I should be able to eat in the park without the frowns of those surrounding me. There is absolutely NO reason for me to look like a criminal at large every time I leave Chipotle, trench coat, scarf and wayfarers in tow. 

I've said it before and I'll reiterate, ladies you have nothing to prove to a soul but yourself.  If every oppressed group of people were so weak as to react according to the stereotypes and rules placed upon them, I shudder to think where the global community would be today.

Be as great as you will, and remember, the only thing a skinny bitch can do that we can't, is cross her legs at the knees [gracefully]. #There'saDifference

Yours Truly,

EFB

Rolls in Society

Vocab:

• Streggae - Jamaican term describing a man of low worth and no potential/ambition [rhymes with "reggae"] Synonyms - cruff, waste-man

• "Boopsy" - A woman who financially supports a man

It was whilst on one of Negril's many white sand beaches that I lay, relaxing and munching on Banana chips that I first noted the quality of man us fat bitches decide to court and entertain. And how could I have been so blind? For the larger women in my family were exemplary characters of this "I'm a big bitch so I ain't gon' get nothin better" phenomenon! However, 'twas on that gloomy summer day that it dawned upon me; more times than not, larger women entertain relationships with "Streggaes".

Exhibit A: the woman from my first ever blog post, her boyfriend in the back seat of her sedan verbally abusing her, to the sound of an exasperated sigh, but no sign of protest.

Exhibit B: the countless women I've seen shamelessly claiming the financially supportive role in a relationship [thus introducing the term, Boopsy] as their men sit at home all day and bask in the luxuries being afforded.

This all comes from self esteem issues. The constant fear that, not only fat bitches, but all bitches have; "If I leave then there'll be no one else that wants me". We saw this in Season 2 of Laguna Beach where Jessica was being mistreated by Jason, and constantly reiterated this point to her concerned and pleading friends.

So let's analyze this, you're being used and abused, literally, and you refuse to leave because you fear your own company? Is anyone else seeing the problem with this?

  

I'm about to get real philosophical and psycho-analytical up in this bitch. Yes, as humans we innately crave the joy and company of others, we are all codependent. "No man is an island", *insert all appropriate clichéd sayings*. We also, however need to be balanced. Those of us who cannot function in such groups are subconsciously offered sanctions [notice in interviews they ask how well you work with groups]. In the same way, people who are needy are as equally frowned upon. We must have a balance in how we conduct our relationships. It's important as human beings to have peace of mind, peace of self, and inner serenity. You know the saying "No self respect is no respect at all", it extends further. So, pray tell, if you cannot stomach your own self enough to enjoy your company , then why would I even come into your countenance [with a 10 foot pole] for you to spread your negativity and self detest on to me? No sweetheart, not a backside!

My point is that, this fear of self, this reliance upon external approval and dependence on others need to be curbed. Only then, after finding for ones self how great they are, will they be able to move forward and will know that this should only be shared with those who can appreciate it in its fullness thereof.

Let me point out right now, one of the reasons I LOVE the Lifetime original show, "Drop Dead Diva" is because the main character is ALWAYS portrayed as having healthy relationships with men of her stature; attorneys, surgeons. Aside from their salary, they always treated her as if they had barely noticed her size, they were gentlemen. Jane knows her worth, and so she knows there's no need to use up her salary supporting any man, or subjecting herself to any kind of mistreatment.

Many of my peers know that I can be a tad superficial, shit, some may go as far as calling me a "Coal Digger" [lol] but at the end of the day, what NO ONE can ever do is question the standard of man that I'm attracted to and associate myself with. I mean, why should I? At my age, there is so much to consider when choosing the right man.

1.  Level of current/potential income - meaning, I'm not requesting a millionaire, but I am well aware of my talents, and potential worth and I need to be secure in the fact that my partner will be able to financially, hence emotionally and mentally match this 
2. Protection of gene pool - Meaning, if I think you have personality/physical traits that are detrimental to the normalcy of my offspring, then this may not work

Honestly, I could write and argue a dissertation on this topic, so let me drive the point home. Just because we're fat and may be at a social disadvantage doesn't mean that there is need to settle. I yearn for the days when seeing fat women with a Cruff, playing the role of an active "Boopsy" or being placed in any other denigrating capacity are long gone. It certainly takes discipline, of course, and is very difficult. That's no reason, however, to fall into the slump of unseemly and indecorous relations with subpar men. The most that will come of it is a dangerous and, I daresay, potentially fatal hypospiral to their depraved level, and you'll have nothing to show for it but Hoodrat lives and Hoodrat babies; you'll wish you'd waited it out to see what better could have come along.

The time honoured adage says "If you stand for nothing, you shall fall for anything". I urge you to go forth with these words resting soundly within your hearts.

  

Affectionately,

EFB

Fats on Fats... on fats

People think it's the cutest thing when they see a fat couple strolling, holding hands, walking through the park.

If you are one of these people, there is a firm middle finger being thrust your way. Fuck you, very much.

It was 10th grade [4th form] and after 3 long years of waiting we were FINALLY old enough to attend our school's annual Co-ed dance, "HOP". Those of us attractive enough to already secure dates had only the task of deciding what the matching outfit would be for our couple. Of course there were the hopeless romantics that were intent on being accompanied to the grand event, and were mustering up the courage to send that brazen letter over to the College upon the hill, boldly asking some young egotistic boy, their hand in accompaniment.

Then there was me. I don't know why I said those of "Us", because I was not remotely close to being in that envied group. I knew my place in society. I knew better than to expect someone to ask me to be their date, and if they did, it was surely some cruel prank on the part of heartless teenage boys. [I've seen "Never Been Kissed] I wasn't going to fall for that, and so I decidedly would attend the gala solo, not uncommon, as many disappointed girls were left high and dry; reasons ranging from shameless cowardice to impervious insubordination [or so it was always alleged] on the part of their previously arranged date. 

In any case, I was quite fine with attending the dance alone. As our sick, twisted Universe would have it however, a few weeks before HOP, I had a chance encounter with a nice young man from the great College on the Hill. He was polite, sarcastic [as is an amiable trait in our mates these days], hence reasonably amusing... nice guy. He weighed about 300 lbs, easily. No qualms, had no intentions of dating him anyway, just a cool new friend to joke with and reason with, right? 

My naivety left me gravely disappointed -_-. As the date of the event drew closer, it became evident that the young man took our casual conversation as an indication of us going together... whaaaat? [and they say fat girls are the clingy ones!]

Don't get me wrong, I'm tying in the argument now, bear with me. There is NOTHING wrong with bigger men. Shit, I'm a big ass bitch! But why I felt violated?

1. Umm, at which point in this introductory conversation was this decision agreed upon *raised eyebrow*?

2. [the straw that broke the camel's back]  Everyone felt the need to express to me how "cute" it was. -__-

People, I am no specimen to be observed and cooed at. That is.however, how I was made to feel. I vowed ever since that i would never date a chubby guy [broke vow, but he was an impressive Point guard for the #3 Under 19 High School team in the Island... Exceptions can always be made ;-)]. I could not, and still cannot stomach the thought of onlookers smiles of glee, and unrelenting commentary [such as "They probably get their most intense orgasms at dinner time"].I'm too emotionally weak and easily abashed to handle all of that, and so I've avoided the situation like a plague.

Beenie Man once said "A lioness fi have a Lion, Rastaman to have a Ras-woman". Is the case that a Fat man should have a fat woman? I strongly disagree. I will continue to drill it into my readers' minds. Fat people are quite normal human beings! We do not appreciate being categorized as would amphibians, birds, arachnids, or any other specimen of the world.

It shouldn't be cute because we're fat. Him hanging on to my every word, us completing each others thoughts, anything else that happened in "The Notebook"; those are things that are cute and should be fawned after, not our size. When I see 2 ugly ass motherfuckers unattractive people engaging on an intimate level I often feel moved to tell them how sweet it is of them. That would be embarrassing for them and so I exercise the courtesy of resisting this [very strong] urge.

Return the favor people and leave us fat people alone to be treated normally.

Regards, EFB :D

In Our Defence...

An Ode to Adele

[NB: I'm about to go in right quick.]
So what the fuck is the deal these days? Why is everyone so pressed about Adele losing weight? What the hell has our society come to when we can't enjoy the AMAZING talent of someone without them fitting aesthetically into society's crock pot theories of beauty? The sad part about it is that the girl isn't even that fat! So she has a double chin and chubby cheeks.... get the hell over it! Yet we have hoes like Rihanna wailing away and being recognized solely because the bitch done found inspiration in a fast food restaurant chain and has established herself as Christian Louboutin's mascot. [She gets points because they do have the best Frosties in the world.]

Someone went as far as to describe Adele as "Casper the friendly whale" on my timeline the other day [I won't lie, I cried with laughter] and I was absolutely blown away at the fact that he acknowledged this before stating what a Godsend her voice is. Adele's phenomenal vocals are even more captivating when paired with her words. Her words have the ability to penetrate one’s soul, much like a dementor, but instead fills one with life, overwhelming emotion and joy. I don't mean to dick ride, but clearly, I'm a huge fan of hers. To see her being more heavily critiqued because of her size than she is recognized for her talent really pisses me off, especially because she ISN'T THAT BIG!
We as a society need to re evaluate how we view people, and the importance we place on aesthetics, especially as it relates to the entertainment industry. Talent is talent, so let's acknowledge it as such.

Fads on Fads on Fads

Secondly, what's with this whole "get-fit-craze" that's sweeping the nation? I can't go on twitter without seeing 50 people tweet consecutively about how hard they're hitting the gym, about the 10 miles they run each day, followed by 14 laps in the pool, the palates and the motherfucking yoga... I mean, come on people. What offends me most is that these same people get neither smaller NOR more toned! What the fuck?????

Our society is progressed by fads; you people are really going out of hand [and pocket] now. Look closely at the amount of people investing in bikes these days [I cannot WAIT for winter to hit], the increasing number of vegetarians/vegans, how everyone is striving to be this environmentally conscious, deep, socially responsible, extra liberal person [everyone has a kindle, watches Bill Maher and avidly watches C-Span all of a sudden]. We get it, it's cool to be hippie, but come on.... how long will it really last? -_- And most importantly, what's the motive? The art of working out has now been desecrated by a bunch of vapid bitches seeking some social approval, desperately awaiting everyone's acknowledgement of their tremendous discipline and hard work. Keep waiting hoes, because I see right through you and I know what the fuck you're about!

I'm not gonna contradict myself and say that I haven’t encouraged a healthy lifestyle. Indeed, a healthy diet, some daily exercise is great, but when I see you tweeting about striving for a size 2, when your body isn't meant to go below a size 10, then there's a problem that needs to be addressed.

This blog was and continues to be geared towards full figured women, our self empowerment, confidence and wholesome lifestyles. I'll always encourage good health, but ladies, if a size 14 is what you are, be the best and healthiest size 14 you can be. Work out to be healthy, not skinny.

Fatty Boom-boom

Lastly, I've been noticing a barrage of insults, ignorant commentary and heartless bashing of our people lately. That shit is not popping. Once in a while I'm so moved to express the emotional strength it takes to be overweight in this society, so here goes.

I grew up in a country where the greatest extent of obesity is probably a few hundred people that exceed 350 lbs. [Don’t' quote me on that]. Even so, we have all natural, all organic produce, ample opportunities in our daily lives to be active, and don't thrive on the junk food readily available in the United States. Needless to say, there weren't that many fat people around me growing up. I was always larger [I've discovered recently, I wasn't necessarily fat, just big], however, society is cruel, so I was always "Fatty boom-boom". As I got older, nothing changed. I was still bigger than everyone else around me, and the harsh commentary continued. Even at my lowest weight in the 10th grade, at which point my Gam Gam [lol] had become concerned with my weight loss, I was STILL the base of the pyramid on the cheerleading squad.
With all this commentary, criticizing, judgment, of COURSE I struggled with self esteem issues, issues that took years to overcome. I say all this to indicate that when a person deviates from the standard, especially standards as blatant as physical appearance, it's extremely hard to wake up and leave your house every morning. Luckily, boarding school gave me a tough skin, and my people skills allowed me to build up my confidence.
Unfortunately, thousands of others aren't so lucky. We need to bear in mind that larger women honestly are often at a disadvantage. We're judged, face stereotypes of being lazy and untidy, deal with countless unavoidably awkward situations [the question of "so are we gonna acknowledge her weight or...?], and go about life knowing in the back of our minds that someone out there has some slick shit to say to and about us.


All I'm saying is, I guess everyone enjoys a fat joke or 2, but let's be more compassionate and stop placing all overweight people into a generic, overpopulated, sweaty, sandwich smelling, oxygen deprived box.

Warmest Regrards,
EFB ;-)

No Fat Left Behind!

We all have that one friend. We take comfort in the fact that no matter what, come what may, she'll always be uglier and dress worse than us. Through thick and thin, she'll always make us look amazing when we stand next to her.
But then the bitch pops off, loses 45lbs, gets a [Remy] weave, and discovers Sephora.

Feels shitty, don't it? As you stand guffawing at her, it certainly doesn't help that you're sticky fingered and have chipotle stained breath. You know what she has over you? Self-fucking-discipline!
This year, I didn't have any long term New Year's resolutions. I simply challenged myself to abstaining from a few things that I thought it would be impossible to live without. Some of these things were removed from my life because they were damaging [like alcohol O_O], and others, just simply to test my discipline, [like twitter >_<]. I somewhat succeeded; stayed off of twitter for 23 days, and didn't drink any alcohol for 40+ days. [Now I'll occasionally have a beer, "occasionally" meaning every night, but don't fucking judge me cause you don't know my struggle, hoe!]

Big Bitches,

Something we must master in our struggle is the art of placing barriers, pushing our will power and our mental strength to their limit. We simply CANNOT entertain just any man that approaches us on any given street corner [even though it's been a while since you got some male attention and shit's looking dismal for you]! It's imperative that we resist the urge to indulge in things like Ice Cream [sorbet is SUCH a frikkin amazing alternative] and twinkies.
I challenge you, in fact no, challenge yourselves to adapt at least one healthy lifestyle habit every so often [every 2 months is a pretty good start] and I guarantee that you'll begin to feel amazing by the fall!
The art of self discipline is pretty tough to master, however, the sense of accomplishment that you're overcome with as you move forth in the direction of achieving it.... honestly, words cannot describe. The after-glow one gets from sex is paled, when compared to the radiance abound.. ok, you get the picture.
P.S. Just to clarify, self-discipline is certainly not restricted to physical activities. By all means, analyze those mental and emotional toxins in your life and make a plan to eliminate them [low- self esteem, asshole boyfriend and that sort].

You CANNOT afford to be left behind! Remember that time you went to go work out and saw that fat girl on the treadmill gasping for dear life? You were probably thinking "Why's she even trying?" You're gonna feel Antoine Dodson dumb when you go back in three months and she's lost 25 pounds, [effortlessly jogging 5 miles] and your ass has GAINED 15 lbs due to LACK of discipline and will power!
So just remember that guys and GET THAT SHIT TOGETHER!



Sincerely, EFB ;-)

The Dreadful Insinuation

 Two words. They makes us cringe with embarassment and writhe in anger; Diet and Exercise.
The statement "Maybe if you work out and ate healthy you could.."  is a funny one to me. I'm surprised that it isn't met with more swift blows to the speakers' cheek to put them in their place and remind them of their manners.
The reason larger women become so offended by statements like this is the insinuation that we are lazy sloths, slowly going about our daily lives, munching away at everything in sight. However... *pregnant pause*.... this is often the case. It's almost as if it's expected of us to live reckless and unhealthy lifestyles, devoid of any fruit, wheat or anything else found at Whole Foods or Trader Joe's. I was quite annoyed with many a producer of fashion shows I've been in when they sternly say to the "Skinny Models" "You ladies need to make sure you stay fit and eat healthy", and then turn a disdainful eye to us, the "affirmative action models" [will explain later] and say "of course that doesn't apply to you guys".

No! No, Good Sir! It is also upon us to maintain healthy lifestyles! Yes! Be proud of your figure! But also be MINDFUL of the eyes that judge the SHIT out of you when you order the white chocolate mocha [with extra whip] from Starbucks, and a Marble Poundcake to accompany it! Be weary of the scornful looks that are not-so-discretely pointed at your way when you "Go Large" at Burger King, and yes, indeed, when you've spent more than $10 on items soley from the Dollar menu at McDonalds, expect people to look at you shaking their heads in dismay!

There's a spectrum of extremity and plus size women seem to stand steadfast and uncompromisingly on either end, albeit physically and mentally unhealthy. Sadly, the only consensus that bears consistency along this spectrum is the vehement opposition of embracing the lifestyle of Dieting and Exercise. [D&E]


On one end stands the women who compensate for there shortcomings [rather excessive blessings] by projecting the image of immeasurable confidence, scoffing at the very idea that they possibly, just maybe, should try living a healthier lifestyle. These women will shamelessly devour a double whopper with the skinniest of them, boldly stating "Can't no-baddeh tell ME I ain't a bad bitch, I can eat what I want, because I am BEAUTIFUL!" *snaps finger, rolls eyes, grease on mouth corner*

On the other end of the spectrum stand the women who simply have no interest in improving themselves, whatsoever. As a very good friend of mine, we'll call her Carly, once said after being asked about joining a gym "I don't believe in moving -_-". Yet and still every single day these women go on and on about their weight, and how uncomfortable it makes them.

With the first group of women, the problem lies in their self deceit. Whether or not they want to admit it, they DO stare longingly at the skinny hoes on Miami beach in monokinis, floppy hats and wayfarers; they DO wish they could fit on that Roller Coaster ride at Six Flags. Similar to the Napolean Complex however, they portray this image of over confidence, and are super defensive.

For the second group of women, quite honestly, as my friend Roberte said "Honey, it ain't nothin' but jumping on a treadmill". That is probably the realest statement I've ever heard.

To be caught on EITHER end of this self-destructive spectrum is saddening, so let me put forth a template for a plan of action which applies to the women on both ends.

Let this be understood. It is essential that larger women have immaculate deportment and an air of confidence, but let us not beguile ourselves. The human anatomy is an objective, almost scientific tool with specific guidelines on how to prolong it's existence. Having clogged arteries, exhausted blood vessels, impaired vision, glucose-saturated blood and the myriad of other risks we put ourselves at certainly doesn't ascertain the longevity of our mortal being.
It is VERY possible to be a larger woman who is maybe a few pounds overweight, but who's internal bodily functions are in tip top shape. No one is asking you to go pay $60+ a month at a gym [That's fucking preposterous though isn't it? And that price is WITH a fucking FEDERAL discount! Assholes!] But simple lifestyle changes make a WORLD of difference! Instead of running to catch the elevator, Walk up the stairs! Contrary to what many fat people believe, it is perfectly LEGAL to walk up the flight of stairs as the escalator assists you in making the process speedier. [Yes. I went there.] Don't spend all that money on metro fair if the your final destination is within a 15 minute walk. take the time to plan the extra 15 minutes [and as a fat, always walk with a packet of moist towlettes, if you wear makeup, some face powder is also good. We're off that oily face look, we're not about that life]. Instead of investing your food stamps in pre packaged food [even though Stouffer's DOES come closest to home ^_^ yum!], invest in fresh foods that will force you to cook and use healthier methods[i.e., LESS OIL! THROWING MORE SHIT IN THE OVEN]. Instead of heading straight to the soda aisle, invest in natural fruit juices, and for Pete's sake, Target sells the Brita for $5! Incorporate as MUCH water in your system as humanly possible.

These are the little steps that we can take in ensuring we are living a healthier lifestyle, and surprisingly, saving money! [More shopping! :p]

If more of our people make a conscious effort to live more cautiously and cognitively aware of their actions and what they consume, maybe others won't judge as harshly, and there'll be no need to bitch slap someone for asking "What if.." and inadvertenly avoid an assault charge :-)


Lovingly, EFB ;-)

The Fats of Life

As I awaited the arrival of the infamously dreadful 70 Bus yesterday in municipal DC, an SUV pulled up to the red light, all windows down. In the midst of rush hour traffic, myself and the other lowly sidewalk inhabitants heard the backseat passenger [an African American man, no less -_-] hurl a barrage of insults toward the driver. Sitting there, with despair and frustration deep in her eyes was an overweight, pardon me, an obese [morbidly] woman. Based on the commentary of her backseat passenger, I deduced that she was in a relationship with this man. I felt sorry for her, because despite the hurt and anger I could see in her eyes, she sat there, making no comments, statements or arguments to the man's horrid description of her intellectual and physical state of being.


I reflected on the countless occassions where I have seen overweight women exploited and manipulated by men, and thought, "Where the hell is our dignity? Have we no pride?"

Enough beating around the bush, it's not a secret that fat women have a hard time finding themselves in relationships.... I mean come on, society makes it clear that we're [yes, as indicated by the title of this blog, I myself is, indeed, a Fat] the underdogs of society. I've had guy friends say that they're 2 groups in society they would never engage with, regardless of how well they carried themself, how great a personality, and all that great stuff; a Dwarf and a Fat. In a perfect world we would love to be pure hearted and give fat women [and dwarfed women] a chance, however, we live in a superficial world, a Barbie world, if you will, and shit just will NOT change, we haffto get over it. My thing is, just because we're acknowledging this fact does NOT mean that we should then subject ourselves to inferior treatment from men, or be desperate in satisfying these innate needs.

To put things into perspective, let us list the top 5 sterotypes of fat bitches: [please stop being offended of my use of the word bitches; it's a product of the culture I have chosen to embrace. It in no way reflects my views on women. Otherwise, come the hell off ma page]

1. They breathe hard
2. Muffin tops, always
3. Always sweaty
4. Can always be found at a McDonalds/BK, fast food rest. of the like
5. Are Easy

Now, granted, these are probably all true of many fat women [CERTAINLY not all]. However, the one I find most perturbing? Yup! Numero cinco!

What makes a person easy? [in the purest sense of the word, not to be confused with promiscuous.] Self Esteem! Sadly, women struggle with a need for intimacy/attention/affection , and as soon as they see themselves recieveing either one or all of these, they are vulnerable to manipulation. Of course, it is then perfectly logical that fat women would be easy, since they have low self esteem. [Literally, this claim is perfectly logical, even if placed in a truth table using propositional logic]. Truth of the matter is, Insecurity and low self-esteem are universal to women of all races, religions and creeds; sizes, colours and tastes. This needs to come off the list of "Fat bitch stereotypes". Too often men say "Yeh, I fucked with fat bitches, thass easy pussy". No! One's physical attributes should NOT be the determinant factor of the level of one's self esteem!

Throughout the duration of this blog, I will reiterate this sentiment, and show all the fat women out there that we indeed can be empowered! We can certainly carry ourselves with dignity, and we can gracefully dispell society's illustration of our people. There are rules to be followed, guidelines to be consulted; if everyday the only time you're seen briskly walking is to be the first in line at Dunkin Donuts, then you're doing us a disservice... I'm just saying.
I've already acknowledged the sad fact that society will probably not change their perspective on fat bitches, we're lazy, we're slow, we're this or we're that. However, it is completely within the hands of each and every fat bitch to fight these sterotypes with all their might and prove them erroneous! This blog may last 1 day, or 10 years. The aim is, and will always be to allow women, who like myself, happen to be larger, to carry themselves with a sense of dignity, integrity and pride. It goes way further than how one dresses [though this is a HUGE start]. It begins with an initial mindset. It comes with acknowledging that yes, we are the mutants of society, but this is no excuse to settle with being modern societ's huge [pun intended] inside joke.

So ladies, join me as we embark on a new era, the era of the Empowered Fats.