Fats on Fats... on fats

People think it's the cutest thing when they see a fat couple strolling, holding hands, walking through the park.

If you are one of these people, there is a firm middle finger being thrust your way. Fuck you, very much.

It was 10th grade [4th form] and after 3 long years of waiting we were FINALLY old enough to attend our school's annual Co-ed dance, "HOP". Those of us attractive enough to already secure dates had only the task of deciding what the matching outfit would be for our couple. Of course there were the hopeless romantics that were intent on being accompanied to the grand event, and were mustering up the courage to send that brazen letter over to the College upon the hill, boldly asking some young egotistic boy, their hand in accompaniment.

Then there was me. I don't know why I said those of "Us", because I was not remotely close to being in that envied group. I knew my place in society. I knew better than to expect someone to ask me to be their date, and if they did, it was surely some cruel prank on the part of heartless teenage boys. [I've seen "Never Been Kissed] I wasn't going to fall for that, and so I decidedly would attend the gala solo, not uncommon, as many disappointed girls were left high and dry; reasons ranging from shameless cowardice to impervious insubordination [or so it was always alleged] on the part of their previously arranged date. 

In any case, I was quite fine with attending the dance alone. As our sick, twisted Universe would have it however, a few weeks before HOP, I had a chance encounter with a nice young man from the great College on the Hill. He was polite, sarcastic [as is an amiable trait in our mates these days], hence reasonably amusing... nice guy. He weighed about 300 lbs, easily. No qualms, had no intentions of dating him anyway, just a cool new friend to joke with and reason with, right? 

My naivety left me gravely disappointed -_-. As the date of the event drew closer, it became evident that the young man took our casual conversation as an indication of us going together... whaaaat? [and they say fat girls are the clingy ones!]

Don't get me wrong, I'm tying in the argument now, bear with me. There is NOTHING wrong with bigger men. Shit, I'm a big ass bitch! But why I felt violated?

1. Umm, at which point in this introductory conversation was this decision agreed upon *raised eyebrow*?

2. [the straw that broke the camel's back]  Everyone felt the need to express to me how "cute" it was. -__-

People, I am no specimen to be observed and cooed at. That is.however, how I was made to feel. I vowed ever since that i would never date a chubby guy [broke vow, but he was an impressive Point guard for the #3 Under 19 High School team in the Island... Exceptions can always be made ;-)]. I could not, and still cannot stomach the thought of onlookers smiles of glee, and unrelenting commentary [such as "They probably get their most intense orgasms at dinner time"].I'm too emotionally weak and easily abashed to handle all of that, and so I've avoided the situation like a plague.

Beenie Man once said "A lioness fi have a Lion, Rastaman to have a Ras-woman". Is the case that a Fat man should have a fat woman? I strongly disagree. I will continue to drill it into my readers' minds. Fat people are quite normal human beings! We do not appreciate being categorized as would amphibians, birds, arachnids, or any other specimen of the world.

It shouldn't be cute because we're fat. Him hanging on to my every word, us completing each others thoughts, anything else that happened in "The Notebook"; those are things that are cute and should be fawned after, not our size. When I see 2 ugly ass motherfuckers unattractive people engaging on an intimate level I often feel moved to tell them how sweet it is of them. That would be embarrassing for them and so I exercise the courtesy of resisting this [very strong] urge.

Return the favor people and leave us fat people alone to be treated normally.

Regards, EFB :D

In Our Defence...

An Ode to Adele

[NB: I'm about to go in right quick.]
So what the fuck is the deal these days? Why is everyone so pressed about Adele losing weight? What the hell has our society come to when we can't enjoy the AMAZING talent of someone without them fitting aesthetically into society's crock pot theories of beauty? The sad part about it is that the girl isn't even that fat! So she has a double chin and chubby cheeks.... get the hell over it! Yet we have hoes like Rihanna wailing away and being recognized solely because the bitch done found inspiration in a fast food restaurant chain and has established herself as Christian Louboutin's mascot. [She gets points because they do have the best Frosties in the world.]

Someone went as far as to describe Adele as "Casper the friendly whale" on my timeline the other day [I won't lie, I cried with laughter] and I was absolutely blown away at the fact that he acknowledged this before stating what a Godsend her voice is. Adele's phenomenal vocals are even more captivating when paired with her words. Her words have the ability to penetrate one’s soul, much like a dementor, but instead fills one with life, overwhelming emotion and joy. I don't mean to dick ride, but clearly, I'm a huge fan of hers. To see her being more heavily critiqued because of her size than she is recognized for her talent really pisses me off, especially because she ISN'T THAT BIG!
We as a society need to re evaluate how we view people, and the importance we place on aesthetics, especially as it relates to the entertainment industry. Talent is talent, so let's acknowledge it as such.

Fads on Fads on Fads

Secondly, what's with this whole "get-fit-craze" that's sweeping the nation? I can't go on twitter without seeing 50 people tweet consecutively about how hard they're hitting the gym, about the 10 miles they run each day, followed by 14 laps in the pool, the palates and the motherfucking yoga... I mean, come on people. What offends me most is that these same people get neither smaller NOR more toned! What the fuck?????

Our society is progressed by fads; you people are really going out of hand [and pocket] now. Look closely at the amount of people investing in bikes these days [I cannot WAIT for winter to hit], the increasing number of vegetarians/vegans, how everyone is striving to be this environmentally conscious, deep, socially responsible, extra liberal person [everyone has a kindle, watches Bill Maher and avidly watches C-Span all of a sudden]. We get it, it's cool to be hippie, but come on.... how long will it really last? -_- And most importantly, what's the motive? The art of working out has now been desecrated by a bunch of vapid bitches seeking some social approval, desperately awaiting everyone's acknowledgement of their tremendous discipline and hard work. Keep waiting hoes, because I see right through you and I know what the fuck you're about!

I'm not gonna contradict myself and say that I haven’t encouraged a healthy lifestyle. Indeed, a healthy diet, some daily exercise is great, but when I see you tweeting about striving for a size 2, when your body isn't meant to go below a size 10, then there's a problem that needs to be addressed.

This blog was and continues to be geared towards full figured women, our self empowerment, confidence and wholesome lifestyles. I'll always encourage good health, but ladies, if a size 14 is what you are, be the best and healthiest size 14 you can be. Work out to be healthy, not skinny.

Fatty Boom-boom

Lastly, I've been noticing a barrage of insults, ignorant commentary and heartless bashing of our people lately. That shit is not popping. Once in a while I'm so moved to express the emotional strength it takes to be overweight in this society, so here goes.

I grew up in a country where the greatest extent of obesity is probably a few hundred people that exceed 350 lbs. [Don’t' quote me on that]. Even so, we have all natural, all organic produce, ample opportunities in our daily lives to be active, and don't thrive on the junk food readily available in the United States. Needless to say, there weren't that many fat people around me growing up. I was always larger [I've discovered recently, I wasn't necessarily fat, just big], however, society is cruel, so I was always "Fatty boom-boom". As I got older, nothing changed. I was still bigger than everyone else around me, and the harsh commentary continued. Even at my lowest weight in the 10th grade, at which point my Gam Gam [lol] had become concerned with my weight loss, I was STILL the base of the pyramid on the cheerleading squad.
With all this commentary, criticizing, judgment, of COURSE I struggled with self esteem issues, issues that took years to overcome. I say all this to indicate that when a person deviates from the standard, especially standards as blatant as physical appearance, it's extremely hard to wake up and leave your house every morning. Luckily, boarding school gave me a tough skin, and my people skills allowed me to build up my confidence.
Unfortunately, thousands of others aren't so lucky. We need to bear in mind that larger women honestly are often at a disadvantage. We're judged, face stereotypes of being lazy and untidy, deal with countless unavoidably awkward situations [the question of "so are we gonna acknowledge her weight or...?], and go about life knowing in the back of our minds that someone out there has some slick shit to say to and about us.


All I'm saying is, I guess everyone enjoys a fat joke or 2, but let's be more compassionate and stop placing all overweight people into a generic, overpopulated, sweaty, sandwich smelling, oxygen deprived box.

Warmest Regrards,
EFB ;-)

No Fat Left Behind!

We all have that one friend. We take comfort in the fact that no matter what, come what may, she'll always be uglier and dress worse than us. Through thick and thin, she'll always make us look amazing when we stand next to her.
But then the bitch pops off, loses 45lbs, gets a [Remy] weave, and discovers Sephora.

Feels shitty, don't it? As you stand guffawing at her, it certainly doesn't help that you're sticky fingered and have chipotle stained breath. You know what she has over you? Self-fucking-discipline!
This year, I didn't have any long term New Year's resolutions. I simply challenged myself to abstaining from a few things that I thought it would be impossible to live without. Some of these things were removed from my life because they were damaging [like alcohol O_O], and others, just simply to test my discipline, [like twitter >_<]. I somewhat succeeded; stayed off of twitter for 23 days, and didn't drink any alcohol for 40+ days. [Now I'll occasionally have a beer, "occasionally" meaning every night, but don't fucking judge me cause you don't know my struggle, hoe!]

Big Bitches,

Something we must master in our struggle is the art of placing barriers, pushing our will power and our mental strength to their limit. We simply CANNOT entertain just any man that approaches us on any given street corner [even though it's been a while since you got some male attention and shit's looking dismal for you]! It's imperative that we resist the urge to indulge in things like Ice Cream [sorbet is SUCH a frikkin amazing alternative] and twinkies.
I challenge you, in fact no, challenge yourselves to adapt at least one healthy lifestyle habit every so often [every 2 months is a pretty good start] and I guarantee that you'll begin to feel amazing by the fall!
The art of self discipline is pretty tough to master, however, the sense of accomplishment that you're overcome with as you move forth in the direction of achieving it.... honestly, words cannot describe. The after-glow one gets from sex is paled, when compared to the radiance abound.. ok, you get the picture.
P.S. Just to clarify, self-discipline is certainly not restricted to physical activities. By all means, analyze those mental and emotional toxins in your life and make a plan to eliminate them [low- self esteem, asshole boyfriend and that sort].

You CANNOT afford to be left behind! Remember that time you went to go work out and saw that fat girl on the treadmill gasping for dear life? You were probably thinking "Why's she even trying?" You're gonna feel Antoine Dodson dumb when you go back in three months and she's lost 25 pounds, [effortlessly jogging 5 miles] and your ass has GAINED 15 lbs due to LACK of discipline and will power!
So just remember that guys and GET THAT SHIT TOGETHER!



Sincerely, EFB ;-)