I've recently decided [in the last two minutes] to not go on dates during the Winter. Not only must we squeeze our stomachs, sides and asses through the maze of impractically tight seating in these alleged establishments, but imagine how tedious it must be for us, after this journey to the ends of the restaurant [particularly bitches my size, panting, sweating and shit] to gracefully shed all those layers, stacking and stuffing our items in whichever crevice that will allow it; hauling our leggings up to fit comfortably within the pockets of our crotch, (much like the "lock and key" method of an enzyme with it's substrate); fixing our top to show just enough cleavage, etc. etc. All this while, of course, maintaining the sexy, sophisticated facial expression, trying to discretely wipe away beads of sweat. After all this toil, we must be cognizant of our urge to plop our wide rears onto the often times less than stable seating, lean back, and do the fat girl sigh. [You know the one, it's legitimately 48-55 seconds long, our eyes are closed, neck rolled back, and legs sprawled open]. But we resist. We maintain our posture, smile daintily, and for the remainder of the night are the perfect ladies. Don't worry, I feel for you, girlfriend.
The sad part? This description doesn't begin to describe what can, and all too often does go wrong during these winter time dates. Fuck bundling! Fuck these coats! Give us us free!
Lucky for me, I don't foresee myself suffering the misfortune of having to be bothered with a date in the near future! *sobs*. But if you do, I feel bad for you, I truly do. *scoffs*
In moving forward, lady and gentleman, this post is merely me wishing you all a prosperous New year. In true Caribbean form, I'll be telling people this up until June, because that's what we are, extra as hell.
I'd apologize for the lack of posts, but I'm not sorry. At all. I, lady and gentleman, am in the final lap of pursuing my degree from this God Forsaken hell of a University [I'm a PROUD Bison, shitting on you fuck niggas since 1867]. And so I refuse to apologize. I'll write as I'm so inspired, but just in case you're an editor seeking new talent, I'll happily jump to your every whim, and humbly shake my ass to make that cash v_v.
As I'm currently avoiding long overdue assignments, and quite honestly, quite over all this pretentious, pseudo academic bullshit, you'll probably be hearing from me pretty soon. I've had some issues I want addressed and I have a feeling you'll agree with me, and maybe help me seek out the answers.
In the mean time, I've been wondering.....
Maybe I just haven't been to any awesome restaurants lately, but are there any where the bar serves beverages that are merely spiked? It's not quite a cocktail, but perhaps a cork full of happiness in the dark abyss that is a glass of Coke, just for some inspiration. [A "Spike tail"?] Well, if it isn't being done, it's a travesty. I refuse to pay for a full cocktail if my drink is merely being spiked, but alas, I also refuse to subject myself to a completely non alcoholic beverage in my last semester of University.
Will not stop until I'm SHIT- FACED!
So if you know of any such bars in the District of Columbia, feel free to let me know!
Lovingly,
EFB.
The sad part? This description doesn't begin to describe what can, and all too often does go wrong during these winter time dates. Fuck bundling! Fuck these coats! Give us us free!
Lucky for me, I don't foresee myself suffering the misfortune of having to be bothered with a date in the near future! *sobs*. But if you do, I feel bad for you, I truly do. *scoffs*
In moving forward, lady and gentleman, this post is merely me wishing you all a prosperous New year. In true Caribbean form, I'll be telling people this up until June, because that's what we are, extra as hell.
I'd apologize for the lack of posts, but I'm not sorry. At all. I, lady and gentleman, am in the final lap of pursuing my degree from this God Forsaken hell of a University [I'm a PROUD Bison, shitting on you fuck niggas since 1867]. And so I refuse to apologize. I'll write as I'm so inspired, but just in case you're an editor seeking new talent, I'll happily jump to your every whim, and humbly shake my ass to make that cash v_v.
As I'm currently avoiding long overdue assignments, and quite honestly, quite over all this pretentious, pseudo academic bullshit, you'll probably be hearing from me pretty soon. I've had some issues I want addressed and I have a feeling you'll agree with me, and maybe help me seek out the answers.
In the mean time, I've been wondering.....
Maybe I just haven't been to any awesome restaurants lately, but are there any where the bar serves beverages that are merely spiked? It's not quite a cocktail, but perhaps a cork full of happiness in the dark abyss that is a glass of Coke, just for some inspiration. [A "Spike tail"?] Well, if it isn't being done, it's a travesty. I refuse to pay for a full cocktail if my drink is merely being spiked, but alas, I also refuse to subject myself to a completely non alcoholic beverage in my last semester of University.
Will not stop until I'm SHIT- FACED!
So if you know of any such bars in the District of Columbia, feel free to let me know!
Lovingly,
EFB.
