There are certain laws and mores of society that must be upheld. Tonight I'll do my very best to establish them, lest an unsuspecting fat bitch violates these very delicate social clauses and puts herself at risk of being completely ostracized by our society. [Woah Lawd am shaaakin! >_<]
1. Never approach a man/ be too bold.
1. Never approach a man/ be too bold.
Here's the deal, we're already considered loud and course-voiced. It's genetically set-up that we have bubbly personalities so that people can see beneath our many layers of dermis, and love us for who we are.
Though many men have a penchant for aggressive women, they become extremely intimidated when the woman is both large AND extremely aggressive. A more genteel approach may be to your advantage. It's like this; wouldn't you prefer an aggressive Pomeranian [because you know for sure that you can contain it], over the challenge of an angst-ridden German Shepherd? Yeh, I thought so.
Because our kind hasn't been fully accepted in society, people, men mostly, still fear the reaction of their peers, should they decide to date a Fat. It's always, therefore, to their chagrin when a big bitch has a crush on them. But fear not, for the integration and acceptance has begun, and soon our woes will be a thing of the past [I hope to God].
2. Never eat in public
Eating my Potbelly sandwich today was sheer torture.... because I'm fat. Sometimes when I eat in public, I feel like the colored person in a 1960s Mississippi Diner in the "Whites Only" section.
But why is it this way? Skinny bitches eat like depraved wilder beasts all the time and no one has anything to say! In fact, people tend to think it amusing, adorable even, for a skinny hoe to absorb a meal with the largest of men! But if WE decide to indulge in anything but a salad, the disdainful stares come from every person within a 20 mile radius; the heads begin to shake, cheekbones tighten, the lips begin to purse, and eyes begin to pierce.
It's not fair, but I have to admit, it makes perfect sense. All fat people can just live off of the fat that the Good Lord gave them, DUH!
3. Always, ALWAYS check surfaces for sturdiness before attempting to take a seat. It is also never wise to "plop" oneself on to said seat. Gently ease one's body, until comfortable that surface can support one's weight
Nah, but this one is real though. I've personally had several incidents [costing thousands of dollars] that have left me rolling around on a floor, moaning and squealing in pain. Let us not forget our dear sister Scarlett. In posting that video to youtube she ensured that the rest of our community was reminded of the dangers of overestimating our surfaces, and underestimating our weight.
For those of you that aren't fluent in sarcasm, the above was laced with it.
As Fats, there is absolutely no reason that we should be bound to the constraints of societal stereotypes. If I want an extra large Frozen Yogurt [yes bitches, we still aspire to good health -_-], then by God! I should be able to eat in the park without the frowns of those surrounding me. There is absolutely NO reason for me to look like a criminal at large every time I leave Chipotle, trench coat, scarf and wayfarers in tow.
I've said it before and I'll reiterate, ladies you have nothing to prove to a soul but yourself. If every oppressed group of people were so weak as to react according to the stereotypes and rules placed upon them, I shudder to think where the global community would be today.
Be as great as you will, and remember, the only thing a skinny bitch can do that we can't, is cross her legs at the knees [gracefully]. #There'saDifference
Yours Truly,
EFB
