So it's been a while, huh? I know, I solemnly swore I'd write more this summer, and now, we've braced ourselves for the crisp chill of the autumn air lovingly caressing our faces, the pungent aroma of Pumpkin spices and cinnamon to tingle our nose, and basking in the in the comfort of our big, fluffy, cashmere sweaters and scarves.
However, my friends, I'm back. I'm currently undergoing an interesting life experience that I feel is imperative to share with women in our community. Here beginneth my tale.
I had an amazing summer. I spent 3 months in the comfort of a friend's fully decked out Condo [that we decorated together]; took several trips to New York, where I was greeted with welcoming smiles and new friendships abound; I had timeless experiences with friends, moments I'll never forget, and I ended my summer by packing up all my earthly belongings and moving, albeit reluctantly, to the next chapter of my life; Atlanta.
My friends, it is with a heavy heart that I relate to you the expense at which my most wonderful summer came; through all the fun, travel and reckless "YOLOing", I have managed to morph into a Morbidly Obese Orangutan; a "MOO", if you will.
I'm not quite certain when it began, nor quite sure how. I can say that there were certain points throughout the time off that I was more than liberal with the items I put in my mouth. Even then, I didn't begin to see the weight gain until very late in the summer. Moving to the soul-food capital of the world only exacerbated my plight. I underestimated the effect of sitting in an office for 12 hours per day, 5 days a week, having access only to [and being able only to afford] Dunkin Donuts with unlimited chocolate munchkins. Living within a 5 mile range of 2 Chick-Fil-A restaurants also did me no good.
The Battle
Being self aware, I verified my status as a MOO. My horizontal expansion was accompanied by my plummeting self-esteem. I've forced myself to give up on my newfound hobby of Prospecting men on the highway [it's not what it sounds like, but it's really fun], because I feel undeserving of any male attention. I don't even bother to flirt anymore. I don't think I've ever felt this unattractive in my adult life guys. The warning signs were all there; taking pictures from elevated angles, creating the illusion of a waste in how I positioned my arms in full body pictures, wearing peplum tops and dresses, and finally, becoming the Grim Reaper and wearing all black, everyday, for every occasion. The breaking point finally came a few days ago as I risked my life rummaging through the Chick-Fil-A bag in the passenger seat while taking a dangerous corner. I was determined to get that last waffle fry. It was at that point I knew I needed help. [Unpurse your lips and get rid of those disdainful stares. Don't pretend as if you've never risked your life for a waffle fry before.]
Nevertheless, I am at the point where I'm extremely uncomfortable with how I look and feel. I'm choosing to empower myself, and take hold of my physical and ultimately my emotional health. I refuse to go another day living this way. It's costly, it's unwise, and there's no emotional gratification at the end of it all.
A close friend of mine, Loni, stated to me with concern in her eyes that I sat dangerously close to the threshold of being unacceptably obese, and being a presentable, Empowered Fat Bitch. And I agree with her. Never become so engrossed in the pleasure of food and laziness, to the point where you lose control. You'll hate yourself for it more and more as you progress in life.
The Inspiration
Over the past year, I've witness countless friends empower themselves, gain self-discipline, and successfully become healthy. One in particular stands out to me, as I literally saw her regain her health right before my eyes. Her positivity and her willingness to share her journey truly inspires me. Every night I stare longingly at her Instagram amazed by how much fun she's having with her journey. What stands out to me is her emphasis on not being "skinny", but being healthy. K, I raise my hat to you my darling. [Also wishing you an Especially Happy Birthday!]
The Internal Conflict
There's one more issue that remains on my conscious. Perhaps you all [3] can help me by providing feedback. Was I correct in feeling useless and unattractive because of weight gain? Does this not contradict my plight with the incessant Anti-fat sentiments that I combat on a daily basis? This blog is dedicated to making larger women feel good about themselves, with a tidbit of advice here and there. I do constantly stress the importance of good health. But with the gain of a few pounds, I've fallen into a state of panic, depression and emotional despair. I'm beginning to feel guilty about my reaction. I look forward to any and all feedback.
Until next time,
EFB
P.S. - I was joking about the Cashmere scarves, that variety isn't available at the local Rainbow.
However, my friends, I'm back. I'm currently undergoing an interesting life experience that I feel is imperative to share with women in our community. Here beginneth my tale.
I had an amazing summer. I spent 3 months in the comfort of a friend's fully decked out Condo [that we decorated together]; took several trips to New York, where I was greeted with welcoming smiles and new friendships abound; I had timeless experiences with friends, moments I'll never forget, and I ended my summer by packing up all my earthly belongings and moving, albeit reluctantly, to the next chapter of my life; Atlanta.
My friends, it is with a heavy heart that I relate to you the expense at which my most wonderful summer came; through all the fun, travel and reckless "YOLOing", I have managed to morph into a Morbidly Obese Orangutan; a "MOO", if you will.
I'm not quite certain when it began, nor quite sure how. I can say that there were certain points throughout the time off that I was more than liberal with the items I put in my mouth. Even then, I didn't begin to see the weight gain until very late in the summer. Moving to the soul-food capital of the world only exacerbated my plight. I underestimated the effect of sitting in an office for 12 hours per day, 5 days a week, having access only to [and being able only to afford] Dunkin Donuts with unlimited chocolate munchkins. Living within a 5 mile range of 2 Chick-Fil-A restaurants also did me no good.
The Battle
Being self aware, I verified my status as a MOO. My horizontal expansion was accompanied by my plummeting self-esteem. I've forced myself to give up on my newfound hobby of Prospecting men on the highway [it's not what it sounds like, but it's really fun], because I feel undeserving of any male attention. I don't even bother to flirt anymore. I don't think I've ever felt this unattractive in my adult life guys. The warning signs were all there; taking pictures from elevated angles, creating the illusion of a waste in how I positioned my arms in full body pictures, wearing peplum tops and dresses, and finally, becoming the Grim Reaper and wearing all black, everyday, for every occasion. The breaking point finally came a few days ago as I risked my life rummaging through the Chick-Fil-A bag in the passenger seat while taking a dangerous corner. I was determined to get that last waffle fry. It was at that point I knew I needed help. [Unpurse your lips and get rid of those disdainful stares. Don't pretend as if you've never risked your life for a waffle fry before.]
Nevertheless, I am at the point where I'm extremely uncomfortable with how I look and feel. I'm choosing to empower myself, and take hold of my physical and ultimately my emotional health. I refuse to go another day living this way. It's costly, it's unwise, and there's no emotional gratification at the end of it all.
A close friend of mine, Loni, stated to me with concern in her eyes that I sat dangerously close to the threshold of being unacceptably obese, and being a presentable, Empowered Fat Bitch. And I agree with her. Never become so engrossed in the pleasure of food and laziness, to the point where you lose control. You'll hate yourself for it more and more as you progress in life.
The Inspiration
Over the past year, I've witness countless friends empower themselves, gain self-discipline, and successfully become healthy. One in particular stands out to me, as I literally saw her regain her health right before my eyes. Her positivity and her willingness to share her journey truly inspires me. Every night I stare longingly at her Instagram amazed by how much fun she's having with her journey. What stands out to me is her emphasis on not being "skinny", but being healthy. K, I raise my hat to you my darling. [Also wishing you an Especially Happy Birthday!]
The Internal Conflict
There's one more issue that remains on my conscious. Perhaps you all [3] can help me by providing feedback. Was I correct in feeling useless and unattractive because of weight gain? Does this not contradict my plight with the incessant Anti-fat sentiments that I combat on a daily basis? This blog is dedicated to making larger women feel good about themselves, with a tidbit of advice here and there. I do constantly stress the importance of good health. But with the gain of a few pounds, I've fallen into a state of panic, depression and emotional despair. I'm beginning to feel guilty about my reaction. I look forward to any and all feedback.
Until next time,
EFB
P.S. - I was joking about the Cashmere scarves, that variety isn't available at the local Rainbow.
You definitely should not feel useless, unattractive, or anything of the sort! But if you know exactly what is making you feel this way, take baby steps to change it. Only you can do that for yourself, and you'll never regret it!
ReplyDeleteKeebs, this post hit home for me… Being a formally 230lb girl at one point in my life, I completely understand the struggles of wanting to be skinny and healthy yet your dilemma of still “empowering fat women”. I, for one, encourage you to get healthy. Health is wealth. If you're not healthy you will not be able to enjoy the lifestyle and the great life you have ahead of you. However, I don't consider you morbidly obese. That statement I refuse to address you as such. However, I am happy that you have friends that honestly care for your health and shake you to reality sometimes. I wished throughout my journey I had friends like that.
ReplyDeleteDespite your minuscule weight gain, you are beautiful, VERY smart and have a great career ahead of you and at this point... If men don't see past that then it's their loss. I’ve been through the struggle of gorgeous men not liking me because I thought I was fat, I’m somewhat thin now, still nothing. The weight sometimes isn’t the problem.
This journey is about you and becoming healthy and being a better Keebs, not about getting the deserving stares of men. Pft. The more you make it a problem the harder it will be. You will pressure yourself to do drastic things and I know… I’ve had moments where I’ve starved to the point of fainting. Start with the little things… Cutting out the sugar, the salt.. You can still enjoy a healthy social life eating out just consuming in moderation. You don’t have to do a fancy gym, a simple dvd in your living room help. I know this struggle more than anybody else.
You know I will always support you on your journey. Call me if that donut tempts you.... lol But you are not a MOO!
Good luck!! – Love, Je’nique
LOVE this post as i can relate! There is no problem with empowering fat women and being healthy. You have to find your balance. Keep pressing on! And remove those unpleasant thoughts and labels from your mind! You're still amazingly awesome! :D
ReplyDelete