The Unruly Negroes at Howard have struck again.

On Sunday morning I awoke to a virtual attack on Howard University and their despicable Negro students for damage done to Edgewood Community Park. The nice folk over in the Edgewood neighborhood were devastated by the damage done at a barbecue attended by students from every major University in the district, and displaced their anger by publicly defaming Howard University. 

On Saturday afternoon, in the Edgewood community park, a group of excitable Scholars gathered to celebrate the highly anticipated blossom of Spring with an event they dubbed DrankNik. For the non-ethnic folk reading this, it's a likeness of a similar event, which takes place annually in Atlanta, and has become a large part of HBCU culture. The event drew crowds from as far as New York, Atlanta and Philadelphia, as well as from UMD, Georgetown, George Washington, and UDC. In anticipation of this, hosts of the event, an organization known as Dreams Never Die, (DND), obtained a city permit for use of the Edgewood park. They also enlisted the help of the MPD to ensure crowd control, which proved extremely effective as the crowd of 1500 were kept within the vicinity and without incident.

Per chance, on the eve of this event, members of the Edgewood community spent hours toiling to plant seeds in their garden, pictured below, and completed a massive beautification project. It was, of course to their dismay, that 1500 college students came and erased their hard work from merely hours before. So they took to twitter.

Members of the Edgewood community proceeded to implicate and slander Howard University in the damage done to the park, stating claim that irreversible damage was done to THEIR park; THEIR park was defamed, debris was left on THEIR sacred grounds. #HowardIsNotCommunity, was their plight. And why not, having had their Garden of Eden completely destroyed?

   

Garden before, and after cookout took place.                  

It's hard for one not to sympathize with the members of the Edgewood community up to this point in the story, however, pray, allow me to continue.

After the festivities, the function's hosts, DND, went about cleaning up the park, bagging all trash and setting it aside to be picked up by DPW.

Apparently, community members arrived at the park that evening also to assess damage, and came to a resolve with DND about repairing any damage caused. So it was, of course, to the surprise of the Howard University community that we all awoke to the Edgewood  Garden’s twitter page, @EdgewoodGarden5, defaming and implicating Howard University for damage done. 

   

I can't help but think back to two years ago when a group of native Washingtonians became involved in an altercation with Howard students, and resulted in the firing of several shots, an issue that has constantly been a concern of students'. Blame for the incident was placed on the University by the new members of the community, who penned their annoyance in an open letter. It is, at this point, incumbent upon me to remind them that not all young people of color, donning dreads, are students at Howard University. Also, I might remind them that there remains still, a significant African American presence in the Eastern Quadrant of the city, that of families who have not yet been displaced by the systematic and rapid occupation of traditionally black neighborhoods.

I'm tired of being recipient to pursed lips, furrowed brows and stares of disdain in my own neighborhoods. I'm tired of the systematic racial and economic deprivation of my demographic through the gentrification that you people may refer to as development. I think it's absolutely incredible that these people have the gall to brandish their entitlement in such a way, deeming it THEIR neighborhood and THEIR garden. To the Edgewood Community Garden and its cohorts, grow up. These students reached out to you, and have exhibited far more professionalism throughout this entire ordeal. I won't be foolish enough to think no damage was done to the garden, but to publicly bash the organization, University, and the event’s sponsors was extremely tasteless, considering the willingness the students showed to help rectify any issues.


Update: Before the Backlash, let me say this;

As my Grandmother stated, University students aren't 5 year olds, and should have been able to have fun while leaving the park exactly as they found it.

However, the damage is already done, and a hand of service was offered to rectify the damages. The Howard slander was then, unnecessary. I stand by this opinion. 

  

Another Feminism Think Piece - In defense of those of us who aren't...

"Honestly… I see a woman distancing herself from feminism, can't help but wish her a lifetime of glass ceilings and a misogynistic husband" - Black Twitter

Well, shit on me.

Recently, there has been an annoying on-surge of self-proclaimed feminists, demanding their stake in today's society, lamenting on the horrors we, as women, must face on a daily basis, and avenging those of our ancestors who are martyrs to the cause.

My retort; "-____-"

Why is feminism still relevant? Before answering this, what is feminism? What are you all fighting for?

To begin, I feel compelled to quote a wise man whose profound words aptly describes the topic at hand; 

"It's levels to this shit"

Level 1; The True Nature of the Term

In the past few weeks I've taken to social media in vociferous pursuit of the meaning of "Feminism". 

I've been posing the question over and over, "What is Feminism?" to nothing more than the proverbial stirring of crickets. I was forced to appeal to the Wiki-gods.

At the most basic level, Feminism is the defense of equal social, political, and economic rights for women. It's a school of thought, an ideology, as is something like Marxism or Socialism. 

And with this let me disclaim; Every person is entitled to their own school of thought. [I'm not saying Feminism is as staunch an ideology as Marxism or Socialism -_-]

Pre Women's suffrage, in an antebellum age, the plight of feminists would ring loud and clear. That society was one which reinforced the dominance of a man as the main breadwinner and head-thinker; a  society that held the ideology that a woman is far too emotional to make pertinent decisions such as choosing local, state, and federal representatives.
Perceived as the weaker sex, in this era, women were subject to jobs that were menial in nature, required little analytical skills, and required little more than a High School education. As such, we were paid marginally less than our male counterparts

Today, however, there is a vast difference [vas deferens, *chuckles*] in how things operate. Those of our predecessors who have fought hard, marched and produced legislation saw that times were indeed, a-changing. They paved the way for the 78 women who now sit in Congress, for the progressive nations who now have a woman as their head of state, Jamaica not included, and for all the women who hold executive positions in fortune 500 companies across the globe.

All this being said, is the movement still necessary in the United States, particularly?

Level 2; Loose Ends to the movement. Alas, it's still "A man's World"

Despite the picture painted above, I don't disagree that there are disadvantages to being a woman in today's world. Women in many nations suffer still, and are subject to torture merely because they lack basic human rights. Is feminism a necessity to women in these nations? Absolutely.

Meanwhile in the Western Hemisphere, the main complaints are
1. Unequal Salaries
2. Double Standards.

Allow me to nip this in the bud right now.

1. I am sick to my stomach of this erroneous statistic being paraded around [THANKS, OBAMA], that women make $.77 to a man's $1.00. The statistic is based on general summation. A man and a woman with the same job title rarely get paid differently, and if they do, it's due to measurable factors like past experience, formal qualifications and certifications, and most importantly, negotiation.

2. "Why is it ok for a man to sleep with 100 women and be ok, but for a woman to be deemed a whore if she does the same thing?" - American Feminists on the "Double Standard"

This reads to me that your basic issue is your internal battle with guilt based on the number of men you sleep with. Sounds like a personal problem. #Bye

Level 3; "Women Ought to Automatically identify as feminists. And those of us who don't, are idiotic, primitive beings." - Self-Righteous Asses

My biggest Qualm….

I feel attacked whenever I state that I'm not a feminist, or even when I describe my befuddlement at the relevance of the movement. Unlike racism and other pertinent issues plaguing us as Americans today, to a greater extent, the problem has already been solved. Granted, there's a long road to trod when considering the overall treatment of women;  rape, domestic violence, sexism in the workplace are all left to be addressed. Racism and civil rights, however, also remain unaddressed. If nothing, the past few years the United States justice system has been shown us the lack of fucks they give about the welfare of minorities [read: African Americans]. Today is not the day, however, to venture down the rabbit hole of prison statistics, privatized prisons, and the prison industry that the justice system is directly funding.

My point is, basically, there are other pressing issues, for which people are dying, that we have to worry about.
That I don't identify with the urgency of your Feminism renders me neither stupid, primitive, or any other adjective used to describe women like myself

Level 4; I blame Beyonce

Like a thief in the night, undetectable and untraceable, Mrs Knowles-Carter, King Bey, descended upon us with a vengeance as she released her untimely, self titled album. Per her drone of followers, Le Bey Hive, and Stans, she managed to snatch the hearts, minds, and wigs of women across the globe with heavy beats and piercingly sexual lyrics.

"Flawless", one of the notable tracks from the album, includes an excerpt from Chimamanda Adichie, my personal Shero, which explains the need for feminism on a social level today, not before, of course,  Beyonce commands her flock of sheep to "Bow Down, Bitches".

Subsequently, there has been much media frenzy trying to determine whether or not the King can be deemed a "Feminist". Militant feminists have been expressing their no-tolerance policy with her newfound, leotard clad, pelvic thrusting sexuality. They think it reads as submissive and goes against everything they have fought and "died" for. 

Though I personally don't see how Beyonce has exhibited any behavior that defines her as a feminist, might I remind you all that it is a school of thought, one with which she expressly stands behind.
So then, to the Femies, who are you to deem her  as under-qualified to subscribe to your school of thought?

Because she's opts against donning the feminist uniform of a high-wasted, baggy pant, tight ponytail, stern face and switch in hand, she deserves to be shunned from the movement? Perhaps because she chooses to embrace her femininity, she doesn't qualify for the team.

So I guess we must discard our natural Effeminacy in favor of Feminism.

In ending, I urge you all to ask yourselves, what do we hope to achieve in conceiving any sociological school of thought? And when such achievement comes to fruition, do we lay said movement to rest?

Take your feminism to the East, where it's needed, and leave us good people alone.

Miley Cyrus and the Racist Teddy Bear in the Room

People are up in arms about the racial implication of Miley Cyrus' VMA performance, because of the objectification and "abuse" of the black women who she employed as "props" for her performance.

I found several aspects of the VMAs extremely perturbing. The adopted "Brooklyn Accent", appropriating what they thought was the "gangster" culture of Brooklyn; the irony of the award show being the least black in history [see winner of best hip-hop video], all the while being situated in arguably one of the blackest cities in the United States; and finally, the general lack of organization and planning displayed throughout the award show. It was overall boring, anti-climatic, and I wish I hadn't sacrificed The Newsroom.

Tasteless. if Miley Cyrus' performance could be summed up in one word, it would be "Tasteless". Would I call it "Racist"? Not so much.

Racism : A belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race. [Merriam-Webster, 2013]

So now that we have defined the term, we can refrain from slinging it around to describe every time a white person does something that leaves us disgruntled.

On Cyrus: 

I honestly think that Cyrus merely has a misguided, yet deep admiration for what she perceives as "Black Culture"
The barrage of backlash Cyrus is merely a culmination of out of context, [perhaps erroneous] insinuations being jumbled together to form logic that is barely coherent. And it pisses me off. Her explicitly stating that she wanted her album to have a "black" sound is being used as a precursor to the harm she inflicted upon black women at the awards [mind you, while she did most of the "twerking", shaming and embarrassing of  herself, family and existence]

People are disgruntled because of the endless slut-shaming that has gone on in the wake of her performance, but if we are to speak out against that, perhaps we should take a step back and stop gratifying these overly offended black women that continuously grasp for straws at reasons to once again, play the worn and tattered racial card in instances like these.

Yes, there is a racial implication. Little black girls, after watching Cyrus perform, will no doubt be confused about the image being portrayed of girls like them. Should they oblige and conform to this image? Is this what it means to be a black woman? Issues like these should be brought to Cyrus. The lack of taste displayed during the performance, that should be an issue taken up with Cyrus.

Blacks never like to hear about instances in which they are perpetrators of the same crimes, so I'm sleep. Instances where the likes of Rhianna addressed the implication of her own actions by explicitly saying that, should she venture on a 10 - day excavation tour of the earth's crust, she would still be unable to find any fucks to give about the implication of her actions on youth, all under the premise of her being a "rock star"... but I'm sleep though.

Point of the Story: We should ask ourselves why this is what Miley perceives as "Black Culture", and after we've thought it out, we should then point our fingers at Diplo.

Stop tossing around the word racism. Find another, more appropriate word. The rest of us are honestly becoming sickened. It's become a cliche.


EFB

Calling a Spade a Spade... or a Whore.

Disclaimer: I am here to judge no one.

Ever called a promiscuous person a "Whore"? What was their reaction?

Why is it everytime a free-spirited, admittedly sexually adventurous person gets called out for her actions it's followed by a huff, probably some physical altercation, ending with their storming distressedly through the door, of course to the sound of the advice giver's vociferous "Bitch! Don't Slam my shit!"

Secondly,why is it socially acceptable for them to live in their denial?
I'm here to judge no one. I'm all for sexual free-spiritedness, when practiced safely and within reason. Yet and still, who decides the boundaries of said Reason? That, my friends, is solely up to you and your conscience.

We're all adults here. The activities and dealings of your Vagina is no business of mine. And so I'm the last person you'll find probing and prodding to hear about your sexual antics. If as a friend you feel so compelled to share this with me, I'm happy to share your successful conquests, and shudder with you as you recount the horrific sexcapades to which every girl in her mid-twenties must fall victim.

However, when a problem arises and I then become directly AFFECTED by the activities of aforementioned Vaj, or when I take it upon myself as a friend to caution you at a time I see the need, don't thrash and writhe in disbelief. I am completely unaffected by the reddening of your cheek and the fury withinn your eyes. This will not prevent me from telling you about your life.

In my 24 years on earth, I've seen Two major categories underwhich Promiscuity falls:

1. Promiscuity by Choice
This is described by the person who consciously has a nonchalant attitude towards sex, and sees it as a mere bodily function. This person may have varying reasons; be it some intrigue or allure they find in their conquest, or simply opting to call on the closest person that can be contacted simply to relieve themselves of their sexual frustration.
Fair Enough.

2. Promiscuity by Stupidity [Accidental Whores, if you will]
This is the hopeless romantic that seeks a solid relationship, but instead of laying a firm foundation upon which the relationship would stand, falls victim to ploys of deciet by allowing any and all Joes to explore the realms of her nethers. Before she knows it, her number is far into the double digits, and her lack of discretion leaves her looking like a promiscuous bimbo with no prospect of being taken seriously.
My advice to this girl; Catch yourself in the cycle. I know of too many women who follow the exact routine time and time again, without stopping, even after the 6th or 7th guy, to say "Wait. Why is this happening, again?"

Be that as it may, the question still stands; Why the fuck do you people take such deep offense to being called exactly what your actions depict?
[Jessa from HBO's GIRLS, and Samantha from HBO's SATC come to mind]

Perhaps it's the label. Yes! We recoil at even the wiff of the insinuation; Slut! Whore! It's a harsh cross to bear, and perhaps it could have been phrased more tactfully and understated. But at the end of the day, when we're lamenting on our sexual exploits with the casual roll of an eye and giggles of glee, we must call a spade just that. A spade, and move on with our lives. Harsh cross to bear, but the choice was yours to bear it.

This wasn't meant to be an oratory crucifiction of any sort. Whether you've had 12 partners or 1200, the point is that no label given to you, based on your sexual activity or otherwise, should affect you unless it's something you agree with.
No Hard Feelings?

Warmest,
EFB.

P.S. Discretion; Exercise it.

The Ailment; Claiming One's Fatness

Before I begin, I ask that we observe a moment of Silence for Arsenal Football Club.


....................








....................







Thank you.

Now, raise of hands if you've accepted your Fatness as your Lord and Personal Saviour.

Jk. Lol. No, but seriously. Being a part of this community I've discovered that "denial" is certainly more than a river [two, to be accurate] in Egypt.

How many of us truly acknowledge our Ailment? Nothing surpasses the uncomfortable silence that comes after having what you thought was a candid heart to heart with another fat woman about The Ailment, followed by the unexpected flush of her cheeks, her face growing rigid in defiance. What can one do but to excuse oneself from this conversation and scuttle away in shame?
To my annoyance, this is a regular occurrence and leaves me with no one to whom I can relate. Not unlike the little seal girl, in her little seal world, it truly is hard to get by. Except Seals can't even cry :(.

It brings about the issue of self-awareness. In speaking to a young lady the other day, she insisted that she had only recently come down with The Ailment, and that not 6 months ago, she was "an itty-bitty thang". Seeing that we disregard that which is in live and living color, but rather rely on our Facebook lives to speak to our reality, she immediately reached for her phone and rummaged through her 1046 pictures. After going through the last year of her virtual life, she finally decided on the picture that was to validate her proclamation. Guise, she was neither Itty nor Bitty.
Being told as a child to withhold any commentary that wasn't a positive addition to a conversation, I pulled my face into a tight smirk and insisted that her hair was indeed, Snatched for the gods. I'm still congratulating myself on that display of tact and grace.

So, personally, I hate getting set up. In the few instances I allow my friends to set me up with a guy, I ensure that the man is forewarned of my Ailment. Imagine the crestfallen face of a man who is misled by the strategic angles, and deceiving filters on a woman's Instagram, to have mustered up the testicles to agree to meet up with this beauty, and be completely caught off guard by her size? I know I've said before that it is discrimination to not date a girl because she's fat, but we're human, we have preferences and perceptions; my heart sincerely goes out to said unsuspecting men who have and are facing this predicament. Hats off to those of you who were able to tastefully overcome the situation. In that breath, when people that have known me, seen me, surpass the obvious ailment and proceed to pursue me, they've gained that much more of my respect.

Ladies we need to fess up to our fate and, as my compatriots would say "Accept our P". Stop reveling in the reverie of a thinner yester-year, or some distant, imaginary future. Even worse, don't make it more awkward for other people. I for one enjoy seeing Empowered Fat Bitches like myself, and engaging in conversations with them; "OMG, where'd you get that skirt?" "Where did you get that bathing suit?" "Are you hungry?". I'm not asking you to be encompassed by the fact that you are one of the chosen few. I simply ask that we stand in one accord as we take to the streets with our Full-Figured prowess.

When you guys behave this way, scornfully dismissing your home community, not only do you deplete the credibility of your mental health [I mean, really] but you eliminate the prospect of us relating to and being supportive of each other.


Until next time,
EFB


P.S. The H.O.V. lane is nothing more than a discriminatory device for single women forced to sit in the purgatory that is Atlanta's rush hour traffic.

READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Barack Obama has been once again elected as the "Leader of the Free World". While many of us rejoice, drunkenly roam the streets and erupt in tears of joy, many others sit writhing, seething in anger at what they view as a travesty. [Sorry Trump, you'll get 'em next time.]

But all is "fair" in love and politics, yes? *chortles*

Please read the follwoing slowly and cautiously. The views expressed are just that, MY views, and nothing more.
If you get nothing from this post, understand that our bias has provisioned a sickening regard for and the verbal abuse of people with differing opinions, as young educated blacks.

I write to you all today not as an Empowered Fat Bitch, but as an Intelligent, Independently Thinking Black Woman in America.
In the 2008 election, I debated with the prospect of voting. I was quite annoyed at the general consensus that I was to vote for a man based on the colour of his skin. I mean, wouldn't that be the same as the white populace voting for someone on the basis of the colour of his skin? [Even worse, NOT voting for someone for this reason] And wouldn't we then go on to label these people as racists? [See the double standard there?]

Anyways, at work, while discussing the topic, I was encouraged by my supervisors to vote "because people have died trying." After tirelessly explaining to them that i was unconvinced by the political ideals of either candidate, I was told "you need to vote for the lesser of two evils." After much eye-rolling and conceding just to get everyone to shut up, I was handed a crumpled note from the sheepish young graphic designer in the cube next to me. It read, "The lesser of two evils is still evil".
I was reassured that sensible people still existed.

Last night a young lady tweeted the following:

"I've gotten like 3 good ass non debatable reasons to vote this week that have nothing to do with the ghost of Annie-Mae screaming 'Vote!'"

This sentiment warmed my heart. I've become sick to my stomach of people being coerced into voting for the sole reason that "We had to die for this". I'm always forced to bite back a nonchalant "And?" when confronted with this reasoning.

If one is unconvinced or unmoved to vote because they are indifferent to the results of this election, then why should they be scorned, ostracized and chastised? People behaved as if Mitt Romney's winning would  have such a drastic turn in events of the country that evey person of colour would be desolate and in the streets by Wednesday afternoon. Am I the only one who remembers the power of LOCAL elections? The fact that the President does not have the ability to make rash decisions and implement them without the council of the Senate, Congress, Supreme Court, etc? And none of you seemed the least bit concerned when the States were actively trying rob millions of there rights to vote... It makes me truly question you guys motives. As they say in my home country, seems to me like alot of you were "Looking a Hype"

The Dangers of Group Think

In trying to be as objective as possible, I've watched President Obama, congratulating him on victories, [ESPECIALLY when i got that good-good 2010 Tax Return, Yes Lawd!], however speaking out on where I feel he has fallen short. In 2007 then Senator Obama delivered the convocation address to an excited freshman class. The address was ultimately his lamentation on issues affecting the Negro Poplulace. If nothing, I can say I learned about Prison statistics. Nonetheless, it was an exciting event, but I felt extremely manipulated. As a new student embarking on a major milestone, my plight was exacerbated by the fact that I was Fresh off the [banana] boat from Jamaica. I needed encouraging words, not an oratory barrage of campaigning and artificial charm.

In any case, he won. And I must say, similarly to last night, I was ok with this.

Idolized by many far and wide, President Obama indeed ran himself into the ground trying to make life easier for middle class families. [Whilst countless displaced impoverished persons sat, thumbs a-twiddle, waiting in vain. I digress]

But then, issues arose directly affecting aforementioned Negro population . Troy Davis comes to mind. Appeals to reconsider were sent in directly and on behalf of the likes of Pope Benedict XVI, Sister Helen Prejean and spurred a campaign with Amnesty International. My First African American President sat silently. Many will argue that as President it was not his duty, nor his place to comment, but Sir, with all due respect, the Pope. The Pope mustered up the testicles to have uttered his support of merely a proper trial of this man. My first black president was not courageous enough to utter a single comment about this issue.

Make no mistake. This man drew historical numbers of black voters in 2008, for the SOLE reason that he was expected to, at the very least, be courageous on the behalf of minorities in America during his term as President. Once again, make no mistake in thinking that President Obama did not manipulate this expectation and insinuate that this would be a concern throughout his administration.

I digress. Guys, don't let me start on President Obama's foreign policies. The point is that after all of this we continued to *blindly* support everything done and said by President Obama. I feel as if we'd become afraid to call him out, and those of us who did were verbally abused and forced to abscond. Talk about Freedom of speech. Tuh!

That being said, we must, as blacks, change our attitudes towards Black Republican voters. In the weeks leading up to last night's climatic election watch, I often questioned [and chuckled at] the concept of freedom of speech in this country. We often forget that freedom of speech is not confined to the general opinion of a group of people. For example, if someone intelligently alludes to leaning towards a Socialist ideology, we go bat shit crazy, forgetting the operative word, IDEOLOGY! The same stands for our attitudes towards our Republican cohorts. My God man! Guys, give people the freedom to be conservative or liberal as they so choose! Don't get me started on the condescending manner in which we speak to people who aren't so fortunate to be as educated as we convince ourselves we are on current political issues.

Please do not classify me as some irrational, radical Anti-Obama person. I'm merely imploring you to be open-minded, less biased, and call a spade a spade. I am satisfied with last night's results. Despite everything, there were ideals that I disagreed with Governor Romeny on. However, let it not be said that I'm "Dick riding Obama" as Aaron McGruder so cleverly termed it. I expect us all to be objective citizens, and most importantly, hold our President accountable.

Lack of constructive criticism can bring the mightiest of men to their knees. Let us spare our President that tragedy.

Best,

EFB

Growing Out of Hand

So it's been a while, huh? I know, I solemnly swore I'd write more this summer, and now, we've braced ourselves for the crisp chill of the autumn air lovingly caressing our faces, the pungent aroma of Pumpkin spices and cinnamon  to tingle our nose, and basking in the in the comfort of our big, fluffy, cashmere sweaters and scarves.
However, my friends, I'm back. I'm currently undergoing an interesting life experience that I feel is imperative to share with women in our community. Here beginneth my tale.

I had an amazing summer. I spent 3 months in the comfort of a friend's fully decked out Condo [that we decorated together]; took several trips to New York, where I was greeted with welcoming smiles and new friendships abound; I had timeless experiences with friends, moments I'll never forget, and I ended my summer by packing up all my earthly belongings and moving, albeit reluctantly,  to the next chapter of my life; Atlanta.

My friends, it is with a heavy heart that I relate to you the expense at which my most wonderful summer came; through all the fun, travel and reckless "YOLOing", I have managed to morph into a Morbidly Obese Orangutan; a "MOO", if you will.

I'm not quite certain when it began, nor quite sure how. I can say that there were certain points throughout the time off that I was more than liberal with the items I put in my mouth. Even then, I didn't begin to see the weight gain until very late in the summer. Moving to the soul-food capital of the world  only exacerbated my plight. I underestimated the effect of sitting in an office for 12 hours per day, 5 days a week, having access only to [and being able only to afford] Dunkin Donuts with unlimited chocolate munchkins. Living within a 5 mile range of 2 Chick-Fil-A restaurants also did me no good.

The Battle
Being self aware, I verified my status as a MOO. My horizontal expansion was accompanied by my plummeting self-esteem. I've forced myself to give up on my newfound hobby of Prospecting men on the highway [it's not what it sounds like, but it's really fun], because I feel undeserving of any male attention. I don't even bother to flirt anymore. I don't think I've ever felt this unattractive in my adult life guys. The warning signs were all there; taking pictures from elevated angles, creating the illusion of a waste in how I positioned my arms in full body pictures, wearing peplum tops and dresses, and finally, becoming the Grim Reaper and wearing all black, everyday, for every occasion. The breaking point finally came a few days ago as I risked my life rummaging through the Chick-Fil-A bag in the passenger seat while taking a dangerous corner. I was determined to get that last waffle fry. It was at that point I knew I needed help. [Unpurse your lips and get rid of those disdainful stares. Don't pretend as if you've never risked your life for a waffle fry before.]
Nevertheless, I am at the point where I'm extremely uncomfortable with how I look and feel. I'm choosing to empower myself, and take hold of my physical and ultimately my emotional health. I refuse to go another day living this way. It's costly, it's unwise, and there's no emotional gratification at the end of it all.
A close friend of mine, Loni, stated to me with concern in her eyes that I sat dangerously close to the threshold of being unacceptably obese, and being a presentable, Empowered Fat Bitch. And I agree with her. Never become so engrossed in the pleasure of food and laziness, to the point where you lose control. You'll hate yourself for it more and more as you progress in life.

The Inspiration
Over the past year, I've witness countless friends empower themselves, gain self-discipline, and successfully become healthy. One in particular stands out to me, as I literally saw her regain her health right before my eyes. Her positivity and her willingness to share her journey truly inspires me. Every night I stare longingly at her Instagram amazed by how much fun she's having with her journey. What stands out to me is her emphasis on not being "skinny", but being healthy. K, I raise my hat to you my darling. [Also wishing you an Especially Happy Birthday!]

The Internal Conflict
There's one more issue that remains on my conscious. Perhaps you all [3] can help me by providing feedback. Was I correct in feeling useless and unattractive because of weight gain? Does this not contradict my plight with the incessant Anti-fat sentiments that I combat on a daily basis? This blog is dedicated to making larger women feel good about themselves, with a tidbit of advice here and there. I do constantly stress the importance of good health. But with the gain of a few pounds, I've fallen into a state of panic, depression and emotional despair. I'm beginning to feel guilty about my reaction. I look forward to any and all feedback.


Until next time,
EFB

P.S. - I was joking about the Cashmere scarves, that variety isn't available at the local Rainbow.